I don’t whether to be relieved or not but I managed to get into a group form of C.B.T – Cognitive Behavioural Therapy – for six weeks, and it started last Friday.
Thankfully (to prove I’m not daft as a hatter and my hunches count) my latest bloods came back showing, that as I suspected in a desperate last resort: that I do indeed have low levels of Vitamin D. This deficiency does then account for my immediate and then sustained slump in energy levels, some aches and pains and also tired joints.
I’m aware of this from being a susceptible group – given that hijabis cover up and don’t get much sun on their skin day to day – otherwise I’d probably be none the wiser. The obvious change of the season also necessitates getting more sun, because there’s less of it about so I’ll also be trying to boost it in my diet.
So: cheese, egg yolks, salmon, tuna and sardines, some types of mushrooms, milk, fortified cereal, fortified orange juice, liver (ugh.) In addition to supplements.
As for the other half of the equation, my first C.B.T session was quite a lengthy overview of the six sessions, with homework, with a frankly insane amount of paperwork to take home. The “handout” comprised of 4 our of the 6 BOOKLETS linked to the course.
Now, call me cynical, but I’m not up to reading much when I’m having a panic attack or a bout of anxiety because I take it upon myself to appear like the poster child for all conceivable poster children in the world, nevermind someone who has bipolar, is Muslim and is still attempting to have a fulfilling life – allegedly.
I was so tired after the experience I had to take a nap.
Both ends of this were marked by hot, noisy and tedious bus rides as well. It was not a great beginning and considering I was initially averse to group work in theory, being in a group where we are expected to sit there at be lectured at like lemmings did not fill me with joy.
I’ll give it two more sessions in the interests of personal growth, knowing that there is no immediate silver bullet and having my boundaries challenged in a healthy way, but let it be known Dear Void, at this particular moment I am not loving it.
HOWEVER please don’t let this dissuade anyone ELSE seeking C.B.T.
Taking the time to objectively consider how you are feeling, and how you are thinking about your feelings – which is your attitude – can only ever be a valuable thing.
There are some hopefully valuable exercises/homework though and that is mainly what I’ll be trying to do, in order to internalise some good habits.
~ Pola ~