Bismillah ar Rahman ar Raheem
(In the name of God, the Lord of Mercy, the Giver of Mercy.)
Sending you congratulations for all the blessings on this day of Eid that you have earned in the merciful month of Ramadan. I hope your prayers are answered, your resolutions are kept and your imaan is far stronger. May you all be blessed with a wonderful fate this year via Laylatul Qadr – any challenges you face, may you do so with sabr and emerge strengthened.
I’m off to enjoy the fun time of Eid, there’s a recap below.
RECAP: I lost my job in mid June so that was a trial, alongside all the factors that led up to that: noisy partying neighbours impairing my sleep (leaving me close to a bipolar trigger) fasting in batch days and working, being told I wasn’t working hard enough without anyone caring to ask why/how to work better. My confidence was on the floor, with a desperate need to appear ‘fine’ and ‘normal’.
This was all without as much sleep as normal and less water. Of course these are risks you anticipate as a fasting bipolar Muslim. However when the space where you’d psyched yourself up to do that gets tested beyond your control by insensitive students *cough CHILDREN cough* partying into the AM… this is really hurtful because it impairs your ability to have the energy to fulfil your duty to God and also to work for a living.
Work quickly became toxic and it was quite frankly stunning that only one person seemed to care and treat me like a feeling human.I told her how my Dad had first reacted to my bipolar by saying that my faith must be weak and that I must be being punished for something – which I did not believe at all – but which hit hard. She said something quite wonderfully profound. She said:
“God doesn’t punish, He only teaches.”
I left, feeling like I’d been delivered as soon as I’d got over the shock. I got on the bus out of there and went straight to the various recruiters I use. I have some interviews lined up, we shall see what comes of it, insha’Allah.
Not long after the interview block, guess what…
Asian Wedding Season. The caravan is coming.
(And I totally have a hijabi Princess Jasmine outfit this year!)
~ Pola ~