(Arab Bath House of the Alhambra Palace, Granada, Southern Spain.)
Lately I’ve been waking up to a succession of beautiful, brisk but sunny days with blue skies and benign clouds.
And I’ve spent entire days at home.
Although I traditionally get Depressed in Summer, I’m really not. (It’s not even Spring anyway.)
I know. It’s Thursday, I should be talking about life and other curiosities, but sometimes, living with a mood disorder is inseparable from living life because of the way it affects your lived experience.
So my friend The Birthday Girl called me:
“Come for a walk.”
“I don’t know. I’ll come if I can be spared. Do I need to cook today? No I don’t. So I might.”
“Come for a walk, I’ll meet you and we’ll go from there.”
“I don’t want to move. It’s like I’ve got so much on my mind but I don’t want to talk. Or be entertaining. It’s such a beautiful day today. I don’t know what I’m doing stuck inside.”
“Come for a walk, I’ll meet you at the [BLAH] at a quarter to three and we’ll go from there. And you don’t have to be funny or clever or entertain me.”
“I’ll be really badly dressed. And not fit to be seen.”
“I’ll be dressed really badly too. It’s fine. It’s a walk.”
“Okay. I’ll message if I can go.”
“I’ll be there at a quarter to three, whatever happens.”
Dang it Birthday… you know I’d never let you down…
I got off the phone and made the clarity-gifting decision to wash my face.
I can’t remember the last time I took time to properly wash my face, I’ve been so busy being domestic and job hunting. I’m going to exfoliate. Then I put night cream on and I feel human.
Next comes concealer and I can’t be bothered to change, but already I feel better. I found myself talking about MYSELF to her, rather than Auto-Agony-Aunting. Me sharing MY problems is rare in our friendship.
I realised that I was probably suffering from boredom, emotional stress and intellectual frustration. We walked, I talked, we got coffee. On impulse we visited an Islamic Exhibition close by and it was lovely for me to share the spiritual side of myself with her and others, openly. I felt knowledgeable again.
Now that I think of it, that Exhibition made me calmer, it reminded me that I’m not only a Bipolar sufferer. You don’t really know you’re in a rut until someone pulls you out of it, which is why having a perceptive network around you is a kind of salvation from things potentially getting so much worse.
Whatever your life throws at you, the World is there to be marvelled at, to remind you that you’re not the centre of it.
Because it’s bigger than you. Like God is. Perspective huh?
~ Pola ~