I don’t have anything particularly tailored towards mental health this week, but I’ll make a cursory note.
I recently reached the top of a blip and I am now starting to access services that will help me, well, give me the strength to… process and forget some of the very powerful emotional things that happened during my delusions. These are beliefs, sensations and convictions that like dreams, ought not to carry over potently into waking life (or in this case my conscious mind) but still, somehow do.
Guillermo del Toro’s reccurring premise that ghosts are repressions, traumas and memories has been playing on my mind. In the words of Hamlet Prince of Denmark himself: ‘Dark have been my dreams of late….’
It has been really therapeutic thus far anyway to enjoy the current season and compose poems on my phone just by dictating and recording whilst walking about. The content of these poems have been rather tragic and dreary – and they aren’t likely to feature here just because there’s a fair bit of repetition and some of them are nonsensical and filled with literary references… but it’s all useful I guess.
I’m doing my level best to prevent my yearly peak, get rid of ghosts and make a positive contribution to somewhere.
I suppose you could say that although those long term goals are there, there’s nothing much really going on – it’s the being here to do it that is the daily achievement.
Some days I wish I had more to tell, or more excitement around what I am writing creatively but I get up to a point with it and just get stuck. It’s the nature of the writing beast, and we’ve been very close for a very long time. Hopefully I’ll soon catch one of the things I’m chasing and I can’t wait to tell you all about it when that happens.
~ Pola ~