Wow, it has actually been ages since I’ve added to The Escritorium.
Last Monday was the first time since ‘Fess Up’ that I felt vaguely alright.
It is incumbent on me to make sense however, as I deal with getting out of this Depressive phase. Time’s a healer.
In a weird kind of way, having a cold just after a low has tapered off the mental fluctuations, because I could legitimately be around people saying: “Guh! I’m SO ILL” and sniffling into a million tissues whilst watching You’ve Got Mail. Rather than: “I love you but I want to be alone because I want to save you from me, I have brain fog and I hate life.”
Yay for microbes! It’s always easier to open up about illnesses that aren’t ‘invisible.’
It’s been a couple of months now since I ran like a lily-livered lump from The Great Inquisition – finding myself a life partner and people asking me why I haven’t yet.
(Oh dear, Aries’ do tend to approach love like war, and war with compassion…)
I’m waiting to be referred to a psychologist – who may find it telling that I align ‘relationships’ with ‘bipolar’ rather than ‘the rich tapestry of life.’ I’m on a seemingly interminable waiting list to SEE this hopefully insightful psychologist. In the meantime I’ve been beating myself up about not being able to write creatively, trying to find work and riding out feeling bored, dull and fogged up.
My overall message is that when I finally take the plunge, I am going to go to the mattresses on the issue of letting bipolar be the third party in my relationship.
Surely that’s the Mother in Law’s role, right?
Heh. I’m a good girl, honest. That’s all I’ve got to say really, just trying to survive being eaten up by my mind and exhausting my immune system.
Hope all of you are keeping well by comparison.
~ Pola ~