I’m super happy to welcome my new followers. Look at you. You’re inspirational.
Here’s some deep, glittery imagery signifying our mutual journey towards… you know, that four-letter feeling.
(I’m the one in the Batman colours. I’m dark and complicated like that.)
Since I last wrote on a bipolar theme, (the afternoon after posting in fact) I had an emotional, public, bipolar-affected moment.
I was with my friend for my first time in a new deliciously cosy, ‘shabby chic’ café place – and we were in that very snug: Oooh what SHALL I choose?! mood, wavering expectantly in the queue, when who should walk in but a mutual friend! (Apologies for lack of interior shots. Working on thinking like a blogger.)
I settled on a mug of mint-flavoured hot chocolate and enthused about the décor, the vibe, the music, the vibe again. You know how the creative potential of a place can just fizz out at you? I felt like I could live there as Autumn crept in, and become a chic regular and probably be inspired to write a best-selling novel…
Now newly a trio of two writers and a film director, we decamped to the dark varnished pew-seating in the corner. I knew I loved this place. I could feel my favourite season, Autumn, advancing as inexorably as a love affair when two pairs of eyes meet.
Nevermind that we are currently drowning in rain, not crunching on the pungent mulch of leaves. Meh.
Instead of just relaxing, enjoying company – I went into a semi-Manic habit of mine of being over-the-top entertaining. Unnecessarily. The subject then turned to talking about bipolar and gradually my energy level crumbled, and I was talking about the most raw part of my second episode (something I haven’t disclosed here) and I was sobbing in one friend’s arms and holding hands with the other.
However well you are with a chronic mental health problem, you’re never going to be cured and you might end up carrying a lot of the trauma of your worst experiences with you. Therefore it is imperative to take care of yourself. I went to the doctor who gently admonished me for my hardcore exercising…. so I’m down to twice a week max.
At this point I’m ready to admit that it was horrible. The behaviour did feel more drastic than my ‘normative’ self and it’s better to act now during Depression, than suffer the metabolic and energy fluctuations of full blown Mania, so last week I went to the doctor to nip it in the bud.
I will try to keep up posting, I still have drafts in the bank, but I feel like it’s important to be honest about how much you have to keep an eye on this to live well long-term. I will be eating well, having a set bed-time, less screen-time and seeing a professional as well as taking meds.
Feeling loved and thankful for your follows.
~ Pola ~